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College Graduate Survival Lessons
Sixteen years of formal education are now under your belt. Thousands of hours of homework, tests, projects and tons of fun are all behind you. Now that you’ve climbed the sixteen stories of formal education, you are standing outside the building with your feet on the ledge looking out over a world of opportunity. When you jump, will you fly? Will you soar? Or will you plummet into a job of futility and mediocrity? Never before in our history has the world looked so bleak from college graduate’s eyes.
Here are 13 lessons that you’ll need to learn swiftly in order to soar above the crowd.
1. Harness your ego: There are 2 performance mentalities: ego-based and growth-based. Ego-based leaders and workers have a sense of entitlement. They judge and compare. Improvement is moderate at best with this type of mentality. Growth-based minds improve daily. They have eliminated jealousy and the role of the victim. This mentality has a thirst for learning. They only have one motto: “I’m improving… everyday.”
2. Look the part: Take every dime you have and invest in a success wardrobe. The last thing that you want to look like is a college student. Seek guidance from an expert. You don’t need to dress where the CEO dresses, but you need to come close. Purchase shoes that the CEO would wear. You’re not trying to look cool; you’re trying to look polished, savvy and ambitious. Let your wardrobe reflect self-discipline, concentration, optimism, relaxation and enjoyment. Stand out with your mind, not your wardrobe. I think every graduation gift should be cash and clothing gift certificates. The more you dress up the more you will take yourself seriously. Remember: you’re not trying to get a job- you’re trying to get a career.
3. Dress rehearse every day: “I’ve never had a day that I haven’t already had.” Make that quote your new motto. Plan by relaxing and quieting your mind the night before. Mentally create a short, macro-movie of the next day. See three items you will accomplish. See them in finished state, using all your faculties of sight, touch, smell, taste and feel to help create a realistic movie. See it as it will be.
4. Work backwards: See the end result first. Then illuminate a reverse pathway from B to A. Now walk on the pathway as if it’s so. If you get off track at any point, you will now have a path to find your way back. This is where you must be relentless and persistent in moving towards your vision of a successful career.
5. Influence minds: What do you want the interviewer to think when you walk away from the office? Understand that your thoughts influence his or hers. What do you want your boss to think every day about you when you’ve left the job? What these people think about you when you’re not there is your biggest quest. You need to be inquisitive and interview the interviewer about his/her company. In addition, ask your superior questions about how he/she makes money.
Understand how you’re an integral part of something greater than yourself. Being inquisitive in a positive way will set you apart from the rest. Take notes wherever possible. Journal each day you had at the workplace as well as your interviews. With this mindset, you will begin to influence the thoughts of the people that can make a difference in your career.
6. Respect: Earning respect takes a long time. Losing it can occur within a second. But the best way to garner respect in the workplace is to give respect to the people who came before you. Understand the history and traditions of the company. Be respectful of the processes that are in place- do not take them for granted. And do not judge them without contemplation. Be mindful of manners and protocol. It’s little things that earn respect. Stand up when someone enters your work space. Look people in the eye within the first 90 seconds that you greet them. Listen without interrupting. Nod in understanding their point of view; you may not agree, but acknowledge that you understand. When you increase your respect within a company, your paycheck will rise proportionately.
7. Pay attention to detail: Be the MVP of the office by making everyone better. It’s ok to let others have the credit.
8. Become an expert: We’re still in a supply and demand world. Volunteer for every project in a company. Learn everything from top to bottom. When your passion is ignited, you may have found your path of expertise. This is where you hone your skills.
9. Do your homework: When the work day is finished, your job has just begun. Research everything about the competition, the company, its history, its customers. Do your due diligence. Study. Study. Study. This is how you short-cut the need for experience.
10. Launch your network: Memorialize everyone you meet in the workplace. Keep great records of everyone you meet in interviews, your parents’ friends, your teachers’ recommendations, class project group members and anyone else that’s already in the business world. This will be your gold mine during the next 20 years. Stake your claim to each of these contacts and find a reason to get in touch with them on a regular basis.
11. Beware of Social Media: Yes it’s the new form of communication and you are one of its experts. However, for every buddy or friend that goes to your page, a vice president or CEO can equally do the same. You’re not in college any more. Avoid the obvious: profanity, off-color innuendos and pictures of you in a sombrero with four semi-nude babes from Cabo.
12. Balance your life: All work and no play will make you a dull person. And all play will put a ceiling on your success in the workplace. Segregate your life into stand alone arenas or containers. Have a vision, goals and corresponding tasks for each. Spend time with family, friends, co-workers and not least importantly, yourself. Take time just for you. Treat yourself like a champion with regular exercise, good nutrition and a lot more rest than you received in college.
13. Keep your chin up: Try this exercise. Shut your eyes and think of a negative thought as you drop your head to your chest. (Throughout the exercise your eyes will be shut.) With a negative thought still in your mind, raise your head to the ceiling. Now drop your head back down to your chest. Repeat one more time.
75% of everyone who has tried this exercise has reported that when their head went up, either the negative thought went away or you had to reconfigure it to make it clear. However, when your head dropped, the negative thought was very robust, clear and vibrant. If you experienced this, understand that Mom and Dad were right: Keep your chin up. By starting at the bottom of the rung within any company, you will be hit with negatives on a regular basis: poor management, confusing communication, lack of clarity, over-zealous and pompous bosses, tyrannical managers and a ridiculously low paycheck coupled with a monstrous workload. To survive the rough seas of a workplace, keep your chin up. For every negative that hits you, your knee-jerk reaction should be to raise your chin.
When times are tough and thoughts proportionately increase, many of us go into fetal position in order to sequester ourselves against any hardship. This defensive state may protect a few assets, but in the long run it will lead to your demise. Without being foolish, realize that good fortune favors the bold.
A New Type of Athlete
I had a chance to spend a few minutes with Pat Riley, former coach of the LA Lakers, NY Knicks and Miami Heat at the Kentucky Derby. We talked about coaching athletes today versus coaching 20 years ago. Riley feels that the fatherless athlete today is far more difficult to coach than any other athlete over the years. They have an entitlement mindset, which is ego-based, due to the lack of a dominant male figure in their lives. He said the most difficult part of his career has been dealing with this type of athlete. Riley feels strongly that it has ruined the game and sports itself.
The Official Press Release: $50,000 “CHANGE YOUR LIFE” CONTEST ANNOUNCED
Synopsis of video:
If you’ve been away from someone you care about or love for at least two hours, the first 90-seconds that you see them has more impact on the relationship than spending hours with them later.
As soon as your arrive home, make that last phone call in the driveway. Close the door on your tough day at the office or your long road trip. Close your mind to the past so you can fully engage with complete awareness to your loved one.
Walk in the door and be fully engaged in the moment. Regardless of your day prepare to focus your energy toward the people that matter most. Hear their voice tone or inflection. And if your loved one is sad then use a technique inside the 90-second rule called mirroring. Act sad so you can show empathy. Now you can raise them to a level of positivity. If the person you meet is happy, be just as happy to keep their level of positivity the same.
CONTEST AND PRESS RELEASE
Winning Video Testimonial for Coach Jim Fannin’s New, Powerful Film Will Receive $25,000 Cash Grand Prize
Burr Ridge, IL, May 6, 2009 – He’s been speaking about it for years, but now he’s partnered with a legendary celebrity photographer to make “The 90 Second Rule™” movie that teaches his mantra. Jim Fannin, the highly acclaimed “Zone Coach” and “Change Your Life” guru, master teacher, speaker, author and philanthropist has a brand new movie he feels will have a positive impact on people’s lives and he’s offering $50,000 in cash and prizes including a $25,000 cash Grand Prize going to the film’s most compelling video testimonial. Testimonials will be accepted from May 6 through July 6, 2009 and should have a running time of no longer than 3 minutes.
“The 90-Second Rule™” is a short, powerful film about how to empower your family, friends, co-workers, business associates and personal relationships – under any circumstances including recession-related issues like not being able to pay bills or the loss of a job. Pivotal, emotional scenes depict both correct and incorrect adherence to “The 90-Second Rule™.”
The film can be viewed at www.90secondrule.com. After seeing the film, folks from across the U.S. (18 and over) can submit a testimonial about how “The 90 Second Rule™” impacted their life to www.90secondrule.com. The top ten finalists will be posted in July at www.90secondrule.com and the public will have the chance to log-on and vote for the Grand Prize winning testimonial.
“Over the past 20 years the institution of family has eroded. Coming home to an empty welcome has played a part in the unraveling of the family fabric. It’s time to correct this and embrace change,” says Fannin.
The “Change Your Life” Contest featuring Jim Fannin’s “The 90 Second Rule™” film is being strongly supported by a client of Coach Fannin, Fortegra Financial Corporation, one of the top providers and administrators of credit insurance and payment protection services in the United States. Coach Fannin’s tools and “The 90 Second Rule™”, in particular have had a major impact on Fortegra’s staff, management and their families, and the company has helped contribute to the grand prize money.
“The teachings and guidance of Jim Fannin has had a marvelous impact on our employees and their families and we feel privileged to be a part of Jim’s effort to help people protect and in many cases, save their relationships and their family unit,” commented Richard Kahlbaugh, President & CEO of Fortegra Financial Corporation.
Fannin adds, “If you‘ve been away from someone you care about or love for at least two hours, the first 90-seconds that you see them has more impact on the relationship than spending hours with them later on. Make that last phone call in the driveway before you step in the door and get past your tough day at the office or your long trip on the road. Close your mind to the past so you can fully engage with complete awareness to the people you will soon meet again.”
“The 90-Second Rule™” is dedicated to Jim Fannin’s late mother, Lahoma Agnes Crouch, to whom Jim promised at her deathbed to take his message to the masses.
“For decades I’ve privately spoke of my messages of hope and possibility to the rich and famous as well as everyday people. “The 90-Second Rule™” has been one of many tools that I created to offer simplicity and balance in one’s life and now it’s been filmed for everyone’s enjoyment and benefit,” commented Fannin.
Fannin utilized the talents and skill of his client, legendary photographer Bob Davis, to shoot “The 90-Second Rule™”. Davis is known for, among other things, shooting Oprah Winfrey events plus several high profile celebrity weddings (Eva Longoria-Parker, Eddie Murphy, etc.)
“When Bob offered to shoot “The 90-Second Rule™” it occurred to me that Bob’s spent decades documenting the beginning of so many marriages. Now, he’s filming a movie that is going to save countless marriages and other relationships,” noted Fannin.
After watching the testimonials, Fannin and his team will select the top ten finalists on Friday, July 10th and post the movies on www.90secondrule.com. From July 13th – August 5 people will be able to log-on and vote for the winner. Fannin will announce the Grand Prize winner on Wednesday August 12th.
The Grand Prize Winner will receive a personally delivered check from Fannin in the amount of $25,000. The runner-up will receive three months of free personal coaching from the “Change Your Life Coach.” The remainder of the top ten finishers will receive five free coaching sessions with a certified Jim Fannin “Change Your Life” Coach.
Watch “The 90-Second Rule™” movie and enter your video testimonial at www.90secondrule.com.
For further information or to arrange an interview with “The 90-Second Rule™” creator Jim Fannin please call (212) 843-8073 or email amazur [at] rubensteinpr.com or visit www.jimfannin.com.
About Fortegra Financial Corporation
Founded in 1982, Jacksonville, FL-based Fortegra Financial Corporation (formerly named Life of the South Corporation) has grown to be one of the top providers and administrators of credit insurance and payment protection services in the United States. Fortegra Financial serves clients in the automotive, banking, credit unions, consumer finance, retail, credit card and vacation ownership industries.
LOTSolutions, Inc., a wholly-owned subsidiary, provides a wide variety of best-in-class marketing services, including strategy development and campaign design, management, execution and fulfillment. LOTSolutions is also a premier provider of product administration and technology services. Fortegra Financial is a proud member of the Summit Partners portfolio of companies (http://www.summitpartners.com/).
About Jim Fannin
More than a life coach, Jim Fannin is a “change your life” coach. His thought management system swiftly empowers people to “be the best they can be” without inconvenience. Period! Throughout his 35+ year career as an author, educator, raconteur, life strategist and sports and business consultant he has personally coached over 150 of the world’s most successful athletes and many of its most powerful business leaders. Jim’s client roster reads like a “Who’s Who” list including: bestselling authors, Olympic Gold Medalists, Champion PGA golfers, Major League Baseball All-Stars, NBA All-Stars, NFL All-Pros and seven professional tennis players ranked in the world’s top 10. He’s even coached coaches such as David Leadbetter, voted world’s #1 golf instructor by Golf Magazine; Lou Piniella, Manager of the Chicago Cubs; Peter Nowak, the US Olympic soccer coach; Doc Rivers, Head Coach of the World Champion Boston Celtics. In addition to professional athletes, Jim coaches Bob Davis, the world-renowned “visual storyteller” who’s mastered the craft of still and video photography; and has helped key executives in 36 industries including Fortune 500 companies such as IBM, Honda, Toyota, Mercedes-Benz, Merrill Lynch, GE Healthcare, AIG and Transamerica.
Watch the 90 Second Rule Movie. Change your Life. Win $25,000!
You can go directly to the contest here (if you want to skip the blog post): http://90secondrule.com/
Several years ago my Mother looked me the eye from her deathbed and commanded with a whisper, “Go for it! Take your message to the masses. Promise me.” I responded, “I promise Mom.” And then she died. With this deathbed promise I embarked on a mission to change the world one life at a time.
For decades I have privately sold the messages of hope and possibility of my S.C.O.R.E. System to the rich and famous. The 90-Second Rule has been one of many tools I created to offer simplicity and balance in one’s life.
The 90-Second Rule has been a “moment of truth” for many men and women. The results from this rule have produced an “aha” awareness on how one can easily impact relationships.
Recently, I embarked on a world speaking tour with a biotech company and a marketing services company called Fortegra. I stopped in Melbourne, Singapore, Milan, Barcelona, Tenerife (Canary Islands), Miami and Jacksonville then home to Chicago. It was the positive and overwhelming reception of the 90-Second Rule from all of my S.C.O.R.E. System tools that made me realize the world needed this information. I immediately thought of my deathbed promise to take my message to the masses.
Although I have received positive feedback from the use of the 90-Second Rule for many years, it was my world trip and the coaching of the husband and wife team of Bob and Dawn Davis that spawned the movie.
Bob and Dawn both expressed awesome results from being fully engaged while seeing their other family members during the first 90 seconds.
Bob is one of the best photographers in the world. Period! He has worked with Oprah and Harpo Studios. His other credits include shooting the weddings of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker in Paris as well as Eddy Murphy in Bora Bora. In addition, he just finished shooting Salma Hayek’s wedding in Vienna. He’s even shot the grand opening of Tyler Perry’s movie studio.
When Bob showed me a short movie he shot about a barge company on a canal near Chicago, I was stunned by his images and skill. Bob can make anything look awesome! This “aha” moment caused me to ask if he’d like to shoot a movie on the 90-Second Rule. Bob didn’t hesitate as he said, “Absolutely.”
The raw footage was shot in one day and delivered to the awesome editor Anton Lorimer and the movie was born.
Why the movie? My mother believed that all of us need this message. I believe she was right. We do!
The movie is dedicated to the memory of my mother:
Lahoma Fannin Crouch
(5/7/26 – 8/29/98)
A Chance to Win $25,000 Below the Video.
Jim Fannin announces The 90-Second Rule™ Movie and $50,000 “Change your Life” Contest
Jim Fannin Brands, Inc. is pleased to unveil the 90-Second Rule™ Movie – a short film that showcases how to empower your family, friends, co-workers, business associates and personal relationships. The 90-Second Rule™ is one of many “Change your Life” tools that Jim’s S.C.O.R.E.® System has to offer.
With Jim’s “Change your Life” Contest, a grand-prize winning individual, family or couple will receive a check for $25,000. By submitting a compelling video story and/or testimonial after viewing and implementing the 90-Second Rule™, 10 finalists will receive over $50,000 in cash and prizes.
To view the movie or to learn more about the “Change your Life” Contest, visit www.90SecondRule.com.
If you are as moved by the movie as we think you will be, we ask that you share this web site with as many people as possible.
It’s time we change!
The Jim Fannin Brands Team
How I lost 65lbs
I’ve spent my career coaching professionals in all walks of life, professional athletes, coaches, CEOs, etc. to be the best they can be. I’ve written top selling books on the subject, yet somehow I found myself 65lbs overweight. One part of my life was not going well. I thought about it day and night…especially at night. I felt alone and began to placate myself with an abundance of food and drink. Exercise was an option but one I ignored. I was either too busy or too tired. It was not a priority in my life.
One day while eating lunch alone I became aware of the speed at which I was in-taking food. Other people had commented on this rapid feeding frenzy but I only nodded between bites and eventually dismissed any assistance to my behavior.
What struck me at this luncheon with my best friend (me) was the fact when I thought about the past I quickened my food intake. What I was thinking was contributing to my food intake demise. Placating myself in the short-term was killing me slowly in the long-term.
With this personal awareness I finally made a decision to control my behavior…one meal at a time. This is how I prevailed:
• Every night before I went to bed I mentally saw and felt how I would be physically. With a weight goal in my mind I was committed to success. I became thin before I began to lose weight.
• Next, I visualized what I would eat and when, where and what I would exercise during the night before. I never had a meal or exercise that I had already consumed or worked out in my nightly dress rehearsal. I saw every item on my plate. I saw every exercise in my workout. Every day!
• When I worked out it was the first thing in the morning. Put what’s best for me first. During my workouts I thought about what I wanted in my life. Better yet I saw it as if it’s so. I also walked every stair when I could. I stretched all day long when I could.
• My groceries were purchased one week in advance. I was never left to forage for food. All my food was healthy. I ate lean chicken, fish, steamed or grilled vegetables and tons of water. No bread. No deserts. No sugar. No salt. No pasta.
• I drank two cups of white tea in the morning with two egg whites and some fruit.
For a snack I ate a small portion of unsalted almonds or walnuts.
At lunch I had a small salad with chicken or grilled fish or a bowl of vegetable soup.
I ate a small snack of nuts, berries or a protein bar.
At dinner I ate fish or chicken, vegetables and a small salad
Once a week on the weekend I had a steak and a glass of red wine as a reward for being a good boy.
• Before every meal I applied my “90-Second Rule” to eating. I visualized eating slowly and chewing my food thoroughly 90 seconds before I dined. I prepared to put the fork down between EVERY bite. This was a switch for me. I also refused to go into the past while eating. Even when I dined with others I kept this rule of preparation for the 90 seconds before I sat down to eat.
• I became aware of my slumping, obese-like posture and corrected it on the spot. I also became aware to hold my transverse muscles (stomach muscles) taut. This was a major challenge but I prevailed.
• I walked and talked like a strong, fit man when I walked into a room.
• I stopped talking about my weight in a negative way. No more fat jokes like…”I’ve gained so much weight in my rear-end that I think I’m being followed. “
• I quit complaining that I was tired. I stopped groaning and huffing and puffing when I walked up stairs or a hill. I started getting more sleep. In fact, I went to bed before 11:00PM every night. That was new for me.
The bottom line was I started to treat me like I really liked and loved me.
You can do this! I understand how difficult it is to even get started. Just do it for 10 days. Take one day at a time. Get up thin and go to bed thin.
Think your way to losing weight. But more importantly, think your way to being fit and healthy.
Personal Development Links for Monday 04/27/09
Some interesting reads for Monday:
How to Connect in Marriage Without a Hammer and Nail
A client once asked: “How can I get my husband to consider emotionally connecting as a valuable tool to keep our marriage strong?”
Lets be clear on some examples of emotionally connecting:
* Spending time together – listening to music, going for walks, talking, laughing
* Creating a loving environment – eating dinner together, playing games together, talking about things you’re grateful for and include your family members
* Being mentally present – listening to what the other person is saying and affirming what is true for them
* Staying focused on each other – clearly the eyes and ears need to be engaged
* Uplifting each other – asking “what can I do for my spouse today”
More>>
Finding Balance in Your Marriage
As a mommy, blogger, life coach, change management consultant, daughter, student, and friend (I’ll stop here but my list can go on and on) it is difficult to find that essential quality time to spend with my husband. I guarantee that I am not alone.
I am a strong believer in having my marriage be part of my practice of life balance. Because our lives are so busy and because we have two children under the age of six, it is probably the area within my practice of life balance where I struggle the most.
Public Speaking Training and Effective Presentation Skills
I believe one of the best models for effective presentation skills is the act of giving directions to someone who has stopped her car, leaned out the window, and said, “How do I get to Bloomfield Avenue?”
If you’re standing in front of your house, and you know how to get to the desired location (your own version of Bloomfield Avenue) you immediately envision the route you would take. In the milli-second before you speak, your brain flies over the road map in your head, your eyes may very well look in the direction of Bloomfield Avenue, and your arm involuntarily will rise up and point in the desired direction.
30 Free eBooks To Get You To Your Financial Freedom
1. Building Wealth: A Beginner’s Guide to Securing Your Financial Future (1.2 MB 39 pg)
An excellent e-Book from the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas (putting all the other Feds to shame), this guide helps individuals and families develop a plan for building personal wealth. It presents an overview of personal wealth-building strategies that includes setting financial goals, seeking guidance, budgeting, saving and investing, and managing debt.
2. Pathways to Getting Ahead (882 KB, 48 pg)
A very good booklet, this guide is targeted to young adults, and aims to spur thinking about the importance of asset building in their personal lives and about how larger policy decisions impact the choices they make.
3. Money Matters: Your Guide for Financial Security (24 MB, 32 pg)
Winning Out Over Negative Thoughts Once and For All
One of our spoiled rotten cats, Alexa (pictured above), loves bird watching almost as much as I do. My husband fills the bird feeders and I set seed on the ground for the ground feeders, then Lexie and I get lost in the parade of doves, cardinals, robins, blue birds, blackbirds, etc.
Every now and then, a bird will land on the ledge of one of our dining room or kitchen windows. Yesterday morning, the craziest thing happened. I was at the dining room table on my laptop, sidetracked by a couple of the brightest cardinals in the world enjoying the seed on the ground. Alexa was in another room, swatting around one of her leftover plastic eggs from Easter (I told you she was spoiled).
19 Ways to Build and Improve Your Self-Confidence
One of the main issues that has held me back from achieving my goals in the past has been an underlying fear of failure stemming from lack of self-confidence. I’ve always been an idea generator, and often had no problems starting projects, but when I got about half way through, I lost momentum.
Rather than persevering and finishing things, I tended to direct my attention elsewhere and started something new, leaving me with numerous unfinished projects and little to show for my efforts. It was my own form of self-sabotage – I always felt like I was spinning my wheels but never getting anywhere.
How to Stop Procrastinating: 7 Timeless Tips
“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”
Spanish Proverb“How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.”
Martin Luther“A year from now you may wish you had started today.”
Karen LambOne of the most common problems is procrastination. We know what we want to do and should do. But still we end up spending hours upon hours doing “easier” work or escaping via TV, blogs or music.
Now, nothing wrong with a little escape from time to time. But if you procrastinate too much you will not get the most important things done. And you will also send yourself into negative spirals where your self-esteem plummets and you spend your days or more in a vague negative funk.
So what can you do? Here are 7 timeless tips to help you to stop procrastinating and start living your life more fully.
Is He Lying or Telling the Truth?
Having studied the power and dynamics of thought for the majority of my life, I have learned to read them through three sets of cues or tells. With a shift in your focus you will be able to do the same. Now you’ll have the power to see and feel the truth…especially with your man.
In order to lie, a person has to have a conscious thought. This conscious thought immediately sets off three simultaneous reactions. They are:
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Intuitive
Learning the physical reactions to the thoughts of your significant other is the easiest when you know his different “tells.” Being fully aware of your man’s reactions will only be accomplished when you set aside your emotions and your preconceived notions. Although many people can mask physical reactions, with an acute awareness some signals will get through.
Here is a list of physical reactions of a liar after being asked a direct question:
1. Looks up to his right and or touches the right side of his head or neck. He’s creating the answer. High probability of NOT telling the truth.
2. Looks up to his left and or touches the left side of his head or neck. He’s searching his memory. High probability of telling the truth.
3. Crosses his arm before he answers. This indicates defensive posture. He is NOT pleased with the question. High probability of stall tactics forthcoming.
4. Answers the question with initial high-pitched voice. Most children give this one away. He’s caught!
5. Answers with a cracked voice. He’s caught!
6. Touches or rubs his nose just before or while answering. Not good! High probability of NOT telling the truth.
7. Looks down from your gaze. He is in defensive submission.
8. Reverses the question. Classic defense that is used to buy time. High probability that you will not get a straight answer. Omission of detail usually comes next.
9. Changes the subject. Common defensive maneuver. Most let him off the hook. You decide.
10. Grabs or clears his throat before or during answer. He feels very threatened. Not a good sign!
Bonus Tips:
A. In front of other women he touches or fidgets with his wedding ring. This indicator say’s there is HIGH probability he’s having thoughts that he would NOT want you to know.
B. Intuition, which arrives as a gut feeling, is real time information that you’re conscious mind does not possess. It usually whispers to you and only once. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION. Its accuracy is uncanny. More importantly act on it.
If you want to turn your significant other into an honest man, start with yourself. Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel- not just what you think. When he asks you if you’re ready, instead of saying, “In a minute,” tell him the truth that it’s going to be more like 20 minutes. When people can lie on the little things, it’s a short hop away from the big things.
So the next time when the phone rings and you’re in the shower, don’t holler to him, “Tell her I’ve left. I’m on my way, I’ll be there shortly.” When your Mother calls and he answers the phone don’t mouth the words, “Tell her I’m not here.” You’ve let him know that lying is ok when it’s convenient. Make it clear your importance of honesty. Brandish this word and deeds on a regular basis. Lying is lying. Honesty is honesty.
All of my clients have been trained in my S.C.O.R.E.® Performance System. It is a thought management system for honest communication with yourself and others. This includes being a great friend, spouse, son or daughter, sibling and yes… a best friend to themselves. Honesty must blanket all life arenas.
For more information go to http://www.jimfanin.com.
How Do I Know My Kids Are Lying?
Kids always seem to be surprised when they are caught in the middle of a lie- Mom really does have eyes in the back of her head! She really does talk to that little bird!
Is it really these eyes that Mom has or does that little bird really give the secrets away? Or is she just a master body language and thought reader?
I’m going with the latter. Every thought has three simultaneous reactions. They are:
1. Emotional
2. Intuitive
3. Physical
Emotional reactions occur chemically in the body. Think a sad thought and your serotonin level changes and then you feel sad. These are extremely difficult to mask, as they are automatic bodily functions. When your child lies, he/she goes through a chemical cascade of reactions that help to create a physical reaction.
An intuitive reaction is one that the brain’s vibrations send out for anyone to pick up on. When you, Mom, pick up on an intuitive vibe, you often call it a hunch, a gut feeling or a sense of knowing. You child is busted when you catch on to one of these! And you may not even be in the same room when the intuitive vibe comes in.
A physical reaction is one that is readable to an observer. Body language is often a dead give-a-way for a liar. Although many adults can mask these reactions, kids tend to be very transparent.
Here is a list of physical reactions of a liar after being asked a direct question:
1. Look up to the right and or touch the right side of their head or neck. He or she is creating the answer. High probability of NOT telling the truth.
2. Look up to the left and or touch the left side of their head or neck. They’re searching their memory. High probability of telling the truth.
3. Cross their arms before they answer. This indicates defensive posture. They are NOT pleased with the question. High probability of stall tactics forthcoming.
4. Answer the question with an initial high-pitched voice. Most children give this one away. They’re caught!
5. Answer with a cracked voice. They’re caught!
6. Touch or rub their nose just before or while answering. Not good! High probability of NOT telling the truth.
7. Look down from your gaze. They are in defensive submission. Guilty your honor!
8. Reverse the question. Classic defense that is used to buy time. “What are you talking about? Why do you always think I’ve done something wrong? These reversals show a HIGH probability that you will NOT get a straight answer. Omission of detail usually comes next. Nip this in the bud NOW!
9. Change the subject. Common defensive maneuver. Most of us let adults off the hook. This is NOT acceptable for your kids.
10. Grab or clear their throat before or during answer. This reaction signals they feel threatened. Not a good sign!
Bonus Tip:
Intuition is real time information that you’re conscious mind does not possess, stemming from that intuitive reaction. It usually whispers to you and only once. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION. More importantly act on it.
Be honest with your children. Mold their honesty by your honest deeds. If you find a wallet full of money, take it to the proper authority and report it. Yes… it may cost you several hundred dollars that were in the wallet but the value for your children is priceless. If they steal something, discipline them with swiftness and authority. Teach them that dishonesty has a steep price. They will always pay with embarrassment, ridicule, sorrow, anguish, shame, dejection, rejection or misery.
Remember: Your kids are only as good as what they think/do when you’re not there. When you make honesty a habit, so will they.
FYI: The above body language readings work exactly the same for big people. Yikes!
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